Hey, it’s almost a new year (four claps to welcome the rise of 2014 – surprisingly, we survived the Mayan’s curse) and I found myself lying down on my bed with hair in a messy ponytail and mix matched pjs trying to overcome my biggest fear: commitment (I kid, I’m scared of lots of things).
Honestly, I never expected to be caught in one of these soul seeking, self-service situations, where I don’t know who I am. This is just too cliche and out of a book/movie, but here I am; sixteen, currently studying up north with the sheeps in UK and my favorite part: all alone. And maybe that’s why. I’m in a new country, and like I said before and now I emphasize; ALL ALONE, surrounded by different people from all over the world with different cultures and whatnot, and with so many things surrounding me, I feel like I’ve lost touch with myself and I am struggling to find out who I really am. I think it’s just that so many people are different and I find myself respecting all of them, sometimes with a tint of green in my eyes and I end up wanting to be them, then I start to fold myself around them, and then another great person walks in and I mold around them as well. But truth be told, I am not clay. I’m supposed to be myself. I can’t keep molding myself around them and expect to be original or someone great. Like what everybody says, you can only be great when you’re yourself, because great people are originals or something like that. I know it seems like I’m talking in circles, well because I am.
I don’t know why it matters though. It’s not like the said person of my past is any good. I think she’s actually pretty shitty. Shitty. She’s insecure, bitter, hurt and angry. She can be a bitchy pain in the ass too. She laughs a bit too loud and is an extremely private person. Swears like a sailor and fluent in sarcasm. She doesn’t share nor does she care. And to make matters worse, I connect to her every time I go back home.
Well I think that’s enough for one day. I know tumblr is the new craze right now but I rather be somewhere more quiet. Plus looking at tumblr can be depressing and a bruise to my self esteem.
On the brighter side, I’ve decided to put my commitment on a higher pedestal and try to be committed to this blog for the next few years (hopefully). I just hope that this will be my constant among everything that grows and changes around and within me. P.s. this isn’t the first blog I have promised to stay true and blissfully loyal to.
you see me rollin’, you hatin’
- Why New Year’s is Poopy (interwebawesomeness.wordpress.com)
- I have no idea what I’m doing. (grouchyartistblog.wordpress.com)
- extraordinary (adiaryofamom.wordpress.com)